Pregnancy for me is a lesson in patience and humility. Gosh, will I ever get those virtues?! Anyway, in somewhat of a different way, it's really hard being so dependent on others. I've had some really doozy days here, where I'm so tired, and just sore. Sometimes I bring it on myself by overworking- ignoring the signs of fatigue and just plowing through, only to pay for it later. Not as much as I used to, though. I used to be so cocky...believing I was above all the recommendations for pregnancy. I could do whatever I wanted. I'm still a bit cocky, but also wimpy. This pregnancy thing finally caught up with me, and is telling me loud and clear to slow down, or else.

I spent most of Wed. sitting with my sick baby. My two year old had a fever, and needed attention. My plans of going out that day were cancelled, so I settled to do dishes and make some muffins. Not so. My baby needed me to hold him while he slept. So sweet, but kinda hard after the third hour or so of sitting around. I was ready to get the house in order! Ah, there would be time for that.

So on Thursday, I went into cleaning mode. Took down the Christmas stuff, put the toys away, etc. I was still going for an hour after the kids went to bed. I felt good about it-finally being able to organize and have more living space (something I've had to overlook and be patient about for a while!)

So today...sore. All I wanted to do was go out in the snow with the kids. I like to shovel the front walk. I do. Didn't happen. I was going to take out some of the Christmas trash (boxes, etc). I didn't. I did get my muffins made and dishes done, but I was wiped out by afternoon. I had to lay down for a bit. My muscles, well, round ligament to be specific, was aching.

So back to the patience/humility thing. It's sometimes hard for me to be patient. I can ask my DH to do this or that for me, and he kindly obliges, but when they're things on my list of things to do, I feel bad asking him. Then I have to realize that he may not jump to the task as soon as I ask, and I have to be patient.

It's just hard for me. In the past I was so ridiculously independent. I made myself that way. I was hurt a lot by depending on others. I hated depending on others for things...I would just rather be responsible for my own actions- that's it. Not quite so when you're married! I've got a long journey to get this right, and God is always showing me new ways to practice! I'm blessed to have such a patient, understanding husband. But I think it's something I've got to get...didn't Christ say to be like that of little children to enter the kingdom of heaven?