I've had several good days in a row. That's great in my world these days. Ever since my dad died, and we cleaned out the house, I've been in this kind of slump. Hard for me to pinpoint exactly what or why. Well, let's just say this grief thing is just all so weird. The only thing I can compare it to, is feeling like I do when I am postpartum. The house is a mess. Dozens of things, human and non, screaming for my attention, yet not knowing where to direct the attention first. Feeling so overwhelmed I don't know where to start, which in turn makes me feel more overwhelmed. But finally, finally I feel like I can accomplish some things, which in turn makes me feel good about accomplishing more things. It started with a lovely run on Sat. morning. I still felt like I stumbled through the rest of the day, despite the great start. Sunday was very relaxed, as we spent most of the day at a great picnic. It was nice to watch the husband and kids have a good time, and get some knitting done. And of course some great chat time with some great gals.
Yesterday, Memorial day, was the best. I, again, started by running. It was a bit warmer this time, and I reminded myself that if I want to keep this up all summer (which I do), I better wake up earlier to beat the heat. I felt like I had a lot on my mind when running, and as if the exercise was somehow releasing these bad toxins from my body. By way of tears, of course. I just felt very emotional after my run. After my run, we all headed over to the cemetery. Boy, it was so crowded! (This was one of the few days of the year you could leave things on a grave for several days). I was still a bit emotional, and even more so once at Dad's grave. I felt like weeping, but thought I'd better hold it together for the kids. Ah, but they all noticed anyway, and mumbled something about always crying. But it was a beautiful place. It was a beautiful warm day, with a wonderful breeze blowing through. We found Dad's grave looking so nice. You could see all the items family had brought from previous visits. They were several, but not overbearing. And there was the nicest flag in a holder high above the ground, commemorating his service to the US. We brought flag pinwheels and placed them on either side of the flowers. And then we prayed a decade of the rosary. So very nice.
We went on a crazy shopping trip to find pieces we needed to fix the picnic table. I didn't mind too awful much, since I had my knitting with me. Knitting is such a blessing in my life! We got the pieces and headed home to work on the table. I use the term 'we' loosely. I was more or less there for moral support while Dan overhauled our worn table. I did actually clean and inflate the kiddie pool for the kids. I have a love/hate relationship with that pool, so I was surprised I found the gumption to actually pull it out again this year. We put up the EZ fold tent we bought, and stayed outside all afternoon, despite the heat. We had a simple dinner on the new picnic table, and enjoyed watching the kids play on the swing set after dinner.
And then today. I did go back to sleep with Blaise, after Dan went to work. But I managed to wake up earlier than the kids, and do some pilates. Wow! I felt great and just was so proud of myself for finally accomplishing something I've been wanting to do.
And how can I forget the family rosary tonight. That is another routine I hope to continue each evening.
So hopefully the upswing of good days will last. I'm still a little bummed that we didn't plant a garden- for the first time in probably 8 years! I don't know if that window is completely closed, or how much energy I'll put into chasing that goal. I've tried to tell myself, this is just one year, and it's okay. I'm already missing lettuce and spinach, though. Don't know how I'll do later with no tomatoes or cucumbers! Ah, maybe this is just the year to really get to know our local farmer's market!
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