Lots of random things...

SIGH. I get a quiet moment. It's so nice and quiet here right now. But the burdens of activity to come still weigh heavy on my shoulders. I am in denial, or something. I keep shoving all my responsibilities aside, see them pile up, then complain they're piling up to the point I feel I can't keep up! Yet somehow just tackling what needs to be done seems so difficult.

So I'm stealing a little peace by writing.

Hopefully all I write won't be so complaining.

A little over a week ago, Dad treated us to a night at Gilly's. It's a jazz club downtown. Never been there, though I've known of it all my life. Mom, Dad, Mary, Josh and Phil rounded out the crowd. There was a band playing the tunes of...get this- the twenties. There was a great cornet player around then (Bix ???). So the band was playing his tunes, with a guest cornetist. Anyway, I was surprised at the size of the band (9 pc), and from the very first chord of the first song, I was taken away. Needless to say, it was a night among nights that won't be quickly forgotten. First of all, we had NO kids with us. Second, the music. It is salve for the soul. I just love music, and this kind was no exception. And third, well, memories. The music, the young swing dancers, being with my mom and dad- it stirred a lot up in me. I recalled things from my childhood with my relationship with my dad, and music being a part of that. It made me long for the days when Dan and I were dating and loved so much to dance, but never knew there was a venue like this to foster our kind of dancing.

I've been more reflective these days, after the birth of my fourth. I'm by no means old, but I'm sure not what I'm not twenty something any more. Sigh. All those swarming thoughts of looking back , and what's to come came to surface with the pulse of that music, and the glide of the dancers. I saw the joy, excitement, energy Dan and I shared over the last ten years. It's all been so fun. Some days I want it back so badly. Just for a day. Just for an evening. Though life is different in ways now, I know we can still capture that. I trust, I believe, I know things will only get better. Love will grow deeper, stronger.

Sheesh. So that's what happens when you take me out to a jazz club! Oh, a couple of drinks help too! :)

So I feel like I'm drowning again. I've heard of mom's complain about the never-ending laundry. I never really had that problem. I mean, I kinda like doing laundry. Scrubbing the tub and dishes are another story. But I've become well acquainted with the never ending laundry. I can sort the clothes, and for some reason, it takes me for-ever to get each load washed, dried, folded, etc. So that I never really 'finish' the laundry. Next week, there's a bit of leftovers, and all the new dirty clothes. What I don't seem to understand is: how does changing the clothes for the season result in the kids laundry getting dirty faster? How does having a new baby with his own hamper make the hamper the rest of the kids share fill up faster? How does more clean laundry in the drawers end up being more dirty laundry in the hamper...sooner! I don't get what those kids are doing with their clothes.

I don't think I've made an official grocery list in over a month. I can't bring myself to sort through coupons. It haunts me that last week and this week they have great sales, and I just can't seem to get out there and shop! Meal planning is non-existent. I actually think that now is the time to change my venue of shopping from grocery stores to shopping in bulk through a food co-op. I like what I got from the co-op so far, but I feel like I'm blindly wandering through a field of snow on this one. Well, on meals, food, etc. in general. That's where the denial I spoke of earlier is the biggest. I don't know why I can't just break down and make a plan, make a list. Why is this so hard!!! I hate doing it. But reality is, I know I'll be happier if I do!!! Hmm...maybe on that long trip to Chicago....

Speaking of, we're on the cusp of a our big Oireachtas trip to Chicago. It's been a long journey for us as parents to this bouncy little under 8 caili dancer. She's enjoyed it, and I think is going to love the Oireachtas. I'm looking forward to it as well. It's been nine years since I've been to one!!! It's hard seeing Irish dancing differently from a parent's perspective. I lived that so intensely for those years of my life, and loved it very much. I feel like I have to be doing that still. I forget that Rose sees things way different than we do, and we are to guide her...and the rest of our family. I'm afraid sometimes I could just get lost in it all, and Rose and I could get happily swallowed up in this Irish dance world, while leaving our family happily behind. Not what I want to ever happen. Ah, always my worry with Irish dance. Whether it's a regional competition, or a bake sale. :)

But something that greatly displeases me about this weekend, must be said now, in hopes I will let it go by Saturday. The wig. I knew it was coming. We bought the supposed wig that matched her hair 'exactly'. I, for whatever reason, wasn't there for that comparison, and I completely believe Dan when he said it matched. See where I'm going with this? It doesn't match. Not only am I biased, that Rose's beautiful hair color can never be matched, we/they/whoever erred on the side of blond, rather than strawberry. So what's supposed to be, I guess, a strawberry-blond wig is, well, very blond compared to my red Rose's locks.

Oh, I'm trying to blame all sorts of people, but also myself for not being more assertive, or doing more research or, well, I don't even know!!! It just bothers me so much! I despise spending real money on a product I do not like. I didn't know I should've just picked the more auburn-red wig. It may have been slightly more red than Rose's true red, but it' wouldn't have been blond!!! In a group of eight gals, you still would know which one was Rose! I've been trying since I laid eyes on it to blow it off. But tonight they had a 'wig rehersal' where they danced in their wigs. I just do not like that wig. Sadly, I overheard the nine year olds, while watching the under 8s, comment on Rose's blonde wig, and how her red hair is so pretty. :(

I know this is something we won't ever experience again. This is EXACTLY what I wanted to try to avoid, by trying to talk to the correct people about it before they ordered it. I'm just sad about it. But have to put on a happy face and not let Rose know. I know she heard me mention it in passing. But I think she's excited to wear it. Maybe that excitement will wear off on me.

And one last reminder- NEVER go somewhere to get the kids pictures taken. Least of which, your local, not busy, very inexpensive Wal-Mart. I called on a whim to get Blaise's three month pictures done six months late. They had an opening at noon. We got there on time. Blaise was getting a bit sleepy, but he did great. He was the most patient baby I've ever had photographed. Ha! He'd never been anywhere! The photo shoot itself didn't take too long, but I couldn't see the screen of the pictures she took, so I had no idea whether or not to request more or better poses. When all was said and done, I wanted one basic, unadulterated photo. Yes, unenhanced. Unheard of in photography nowadays. Well, when they finally showed me these basic photos, they were all pretty bad! Off center, baby looking down on many of them. Wow. I know good photography is really a skill, but usually I can get ONE decent pose, just to make the passing of my baby's age. Forget it!! I'll seek out other options, and even try doing it myself. And I am in nooo way a photographer. I have no skills. But I'm no longer going to give money to someone else who also lacks those skills.

God blessed us with a 71 degree day today. So when we got home from this photo shoot, I promptly hauled a blanket outdoors and spread it out. I had the kids sit on it one at a time and attmepted to have my own photo shoot. I don't think it turned out half bad!! But the bummer is, by that hour, Blaise had not even an ounce of the patience he had at Wal-Mart. He started crawling the moment I set him on the blanket. I was so disappointed. He did look so cute. I tried.

Moral of the story, though: never again. I'm done with department store photographers.

Oh, and one more thing. So while we were out there frantically trying to take pictures, Dominic and Sam discovered their favorite golf clubs. I even got a picture of Sam hitting the ball down the hill with his little Snoopy club. So cute. 'Til he got closer, and closer to Dominic. Now, I saw the two of them in the garden, but I didn't think they were practicing golf any more at this point. I should've known better. While clicking away, I hear a blood-curdling scream from Dominic. I instantly knew he was hurt hurt. I wasn't quite surprised to see the blood dripping down his forehead. It scared him tremendously. We promptly got the bleeding under control. It hurt really badly. Dan and I had a little discussion about the gash. I thought it might even be stitch worthy. But I managed to secure some butterfly band aids to hold it together. It is right at the edge of his hair line.

One of the most touching things was seeing Sam's obvious sorrow in doing what he accidentally did. But also in Rose's sweetness to make him better. She got him a cup of juice in the Florida cup. She immediately made him a card. I'll have to post it later. Her drawing was so accurate, and her words so kind. And Dominic reciprocated the kindness by simply saying " I like the card." What a sweet, sweet ending to a very long day.